8:30 AM 5/29/2022
1/ Go to Mom's Grave today. Ask Sandie to make a flower arrangement.--DONE
2/ do my pool workout @ 1pm--SKIPPED...WILL MOW INSTEAD
2:57 PM 5/29/2022
1/ MOW FRONT YARD
7:15 AM 5/31/2022
1/ go to bank in Gallatin POD. get my share of MOM'S ACCOUNT. I got the money. and deposited into Pinnacle money market, There were only 3 names on the account; mine. rich and linda. apparently steve took his out in feburary. I am still curious about the $78000 from the sell of Mom's house. I guess full transparency is too much to ask
maybe i will get a pool work out today? ( too many people at pool. no why I am going to fight a croud.
I need to order driveway gravel soon. I sent Bass trucking an inquiry. I still have no responce from the concrete guy Haweyes,,, been two weeks. Getting help is hard these days.
7:30 AM 6/1/2022
Bass trucking to deliver gravel for driveway today ( I hope). I may get 3 loads.
WISH LIST FOR TODAY:
CHAIN SAW work (didn't get to it, too hot), especially focus on Tree of Heaven (sprayed them with total vegitation killer), 2 trees down in trail, 2 cedar trees to thin out in front of house.
Spray weed killer around garden fence.( i used a spray bottle this time, i had better control)
Take down plywood in garage (got 2 down, took 1 to the garden); use it to kill weeds in garden.
Call Bradley Heat and air for heat pump installation upstairs.THE GUY CAME OUT AND WILL give me a quote later today
3:15 PM 6/1/2022
Still no gravel truck. it is sooooo hot. gravel will not be here today. can't trust anyone I guess
7:37 AM 6/2/2022
it rained a little bit last night. the ground was really dry. i will go into the jimmy flyod center today for a pool work out, hopefully i will get back before gravel guy comes. one day at a time, b.now.b.ok
i thought about building a pole barn.i would have to have an electric meter set and concrete pad pored. more research need.
5:19 PM 6/2/2022
i had a 1hour workout at the fitness center. still no heater inthe pool but that is good for me because i have the pool to myself,
rec new opp.
mowed a little
8:25 AM 6/3/2022
i reached to a clinical psycholist i found online. i will begin to record the timeline of my journy of self that stated decades ago. dr. jamison was my psychaitrist ( i am not trying to speed correctly so i can get my thoughts recorded). 2010 was the year i reached out to a psychitrist after i left my job at marshall and bruce, nov. of 2009 ( I was 59 1/2 at the time) . i had stopped taking my thyroid meds in the summer of 2009. my primary care dr. barrett perscribe sertraline to help with the depression after the job loss and sandie reaction to it.( she "couldn't handle any more of my,,,,whatever she said....it hurt... i was in pain because of my job loss anyway. dr. jamison perscribed a med for s,a,d (lamotrigine), i stayed on both meds until i went on medicare, the lamotrigene i stopped because it was so expensive. i stayed on the sertrline until winter of 2021 and have not tacken it since. 2016 i had kidney cancer, my left kidney was removed.
10:11 AM 6/5/2022
work on shed remodeling all day yesterday and continuing it today
4:04 PM 6/10/2022
a-i septic pumped out my septic tank today. he gave me another concrete guy to call,..Hampton Concrete-- 615-568-4265
8:10 AM 6/11/2022
notes for Kathryn Galbraith: she returned my call..so I intend to aquire her services as a mental health coach. why I seek her assistance:? 1/ control my mind loops. monkey mind, traps of my animal thinking. 2/grief issues. help me build an after mom life and an after Skc life., Letting go of my "Savior responsibility" mindset. 3/ coach my transitions thru frustrations, anger, communication barriers, getting stuck in my brain,, "brain freeze". 4/ transition out of the resume' trap... the "look what I have done in my past" trap of validating I am a worthy person to be around and to know. 5/ rebuilding the techniques that help to transition from mind "quicksand" to being at peace with myself thru all experiences
4:18 PM 6/11/2022
The 46th annual American Artisan Festival will be held this year on Father's Day weekend, Friday, Saturday and Sunday ‑ June 17‑19, 2022 in Nashville, Tennessee
9:37 AM 6/14/2022
A new consept to ponder: sunk cost fallacy --decisions rooted in this fallacy can make our lives more difficult; we keep giving situations or people chances only holding ourselves back, prolonging the inevitable — making things harder and allowing frustrations to build..... by fixating on what we can’t change (i.e., the past) at the expense of what we can (i.e., the present and future). ....improve the future by cutting our losses sooner rather than later,” Dr. White says.
“There are plenty of times when sunk costs do meaningfully affect our future prospects. For instance, if you’re two credits shy of earning a college degree and considering quitting, it may still be worth it to push through your program to increase your future job prospects and earning potential,” she explains.
“If you find yourself fixating on ‘getting your money’s worth’ out of unenjoyable experiences or lose sight of your future goals, one helpful strategy is to consider what you’d advise a friend or family member to do in a similar situation.
Flexible thinking and self-compassion are invaluable. They can also help us realize that.........
the only way to ‘win’ an unwinnable game is to stop playing it.”
9:29 AM 6/16/2022
consultation with kathryn went very well. I have my 1st session with her monday 1=2pm
3:44 PM 6/20/2022
I had my first session with My new shrink at 1pm. It went well I thought. I felt easier to talk to her than my other DR. in the past.
6:24 AM 6/22/2022
Sandie thoughts keep coming to me at night. early in the morning I often find my mind reviewing rather than dreaming. this morning I remembered several events betweeen us over the years that remind me that the relationship has never been healthy.
A LIST OF RELATIONSHIP ISSUES THAT I TOLERATED:
I WAS ALWAYS OUTGOING. THERE WERE ALWAYS OTHERS IN MY WORLD. THE LARRY TUCKER YEARS ARE A GOOD EXAMPLE. HE AND I HAD BEEN FRIENDS FOR A LONG TIME. I KNEW HIM WHEN I WAS MARRIED TO ELAINE. HIS SON WAS BORN WHILE I WAS MARRIED TO HER. HE MADE THE TRANSITION TO SANDIE WITH ME BUT AS TIME WENT ON I SLOWLY PULLED AWAY FROM HIM BECAUSE SANDIE DID NOT LIKE HIS WIFE. VERY NEGATIVE.
SHE DID NOT LIKE TO GO FISHING WITH ME. SHE DID NOT EVERY WORK OUT WITH ME EXCEPT FOR THE TIME I TOOK TAI CHI CLASSES. SHE DID DO THAT FOR A FEW WEEK BUT DID NOT LIKE IT AND FINALLY QUIT, MEDITATION SHE WOULDN'T DO WITH ME. WATCHING SPOTS SHE TOLERATED BUT DID NOT ENJOY. SHE DID NOT ENJOY ANTHING OR SHOW ANY SIGN OF EXCITMENT ABOUT ANYTHING WHEN SHE WAS SOBER. I ASKED HER MANY TIMES OVER THE YEARS WHAT SHE GOT EXCITED OVER
7:04 AM 6/25/2022
I have been on edge the past few days;I attribute the feelings to my visit to mom's grave Thursday. I have been working on a carving to put in her grave urn. I have been very inspired and my work on it was reaching the point that I wanted to finalize the mounting in the vase. when I arrived at the cemetary I was surprised that the vase had a beautiful arrangement of flowers in it. I had planned to ask the funeral director if i could take the vase home to complete the work so naturally when I saw the vase occupied I relized to my disappointment that even after death I still would have to share her. My plans, naturally are being modified but the piece is one of the best I have done. Mgmlma suggested I build a private memorial to my parents on the farm so now I am focusing on that idea and today I am more at peace with the worl. I have so much trouble sharing with others or feeling I am being left out.
